Currently listening to : Nelly Furtado - All Good Things (Come to an end)
I alwiz wanted to continue blogging... but after so long of not doing it... its been like 7 months of so since my last meaningful post... i guess.. too much had happened in recent times... this 7 months was not anything close to my expectations.. as i completed my undergrad and evrything.. as usual, i returned to msia... deciding on where my future lies... i decided to come back to melbourne for another 1 n a half years of study.. But the whole equation of coming back to melbourne was more of weighted to personal reasons rather than wanting to serious study... not tat i m not serious.. but i think, i shouldn't lie to my blog.. i honestly came back more on personal reasons... more to the reason of me not wanting to kick start my 30 years plus of career.. But undoubtedly, my choice of course and the effort that i put in this sem was undoubtedly better than what i normally do... so i have no regrets with my studies...
However, the other reasons and things tat i wud like to c happening never came close to happening as my predictions went all wrong... Things i didn't assume occuring occured instead.. The most significant happening i guess wud be meeting someone (not liking to put names, lets call her Anony, and yes she's a girl)... After 22 years of ups and downs in life.. i thought i wud have learnt enuff to be strong enuff to face plentiful of circumstances.. but in dealing with Anony, i failed.. or should i say miserably... I lost myself so badly... Did so many gay things... Which i am so distraught to even mention it.. But my conclusion is, in this scenario.. plenty of things sided on the bad side... One good thing abt evrything is tat i found myself back to the arms of God... Nevertheless, i went back to Hope Melbourne Church... which is not my style at all.. I went back seeking God's help... Cuz thru out this period.. It was HIM that has given me so much courage and strength... i guess... thru out this period, fear was in my mind afterall... it was a totally new definition of fear to me... the fear tat she said she was once feared of...
I really do not know how the ending is going to be... probably there's no good in knowing... i thinki i write a good chinese phrase myself.. "我知道到最後我也是不會得到你的愛。。 如果傻傻的留下。。 為何不要瀟灑的離開。。。"... things i wud say went pretty bad... from losing myself... n finding myself in so much fear... finding myself not belonging to me... n yet i have to stand firm to protect evryone else... protecting so many ppl which i wud say their problems has so least to do with me... I found myself being the center of evrything.... seems to me as thou... My energy was draint by more than myself... n yet... i m struggling with my own problems as well... who m i to blame...
I got my mum n sis overly worried about this.. I know i shudn't have... It is becuz... they r the only person in this world that i can count n depend on... Becoming the youngest in the family was really a huge plus plus.. haha... so i must really thank them n God for giving them to me... Mum n sis... i really feel like coming home from this cold winter of melbourne.. but i guess... I cant be running away from such problems... after overcoming this, i belief my life will be much more stronger to serve God...
Today, church was talking abt Steward... Talking abt how to serve God... I found myself losing faith and i m not as much as willing to serve God anymore... I must apologize... I guess i need the breakthru prayers just now... I din get any from the cg leaders but i did prayed for it myself... N now i guess God is helping me once again... giving me the strength for everything... N now i m ready to serve again... Thank the living God...
To conclude this, i guess all good things really have to come to an end... But in this case, i really can say i enjoyed a lot thru out the procedures... No doubt i have plenty of downs as well... But it was really great when the happy things occured... The best i wud say was on her bday... hehe.. thank u for everything... i will b there till the 27th ya... tats the day when both our exams end...
p/s : thanks Steven n Christian for prayers of strength for my last paper this coming wednesday.. really needed it... hehe.. i shall work hard... as i belief... God only help those that help themselves.... Thanks the Almighty God... n oh ya.. thanx Bridget too...
=)
